Did you know that Robert Frost is the one who said “good fences make good neighbors”? I would like to say that “good boundaries make a good life.” Have you met people who have great boundaries and consequently a very happy, successful life.They are people who do one thing at a time. They are focused, determined and persistent. They do not get distracted by other’s drama or problems. They don’t waste their time and energy on non-essentials. I find myself doing too much and wonder why I don’t achieve what’s important to me.

It’s hard to “just say no” to outrageous demands. We want to be loving and supportive. As a result, we work hard doing trivial things that are “urgent” for other people. We end up exhausted and frustrated because we don’t have good boundaries. Build a tight fence around your work and life. Define what you will do and what you won’t do, and then stick to it. Yes, I know your husband wants dinner and your daughter wants to go to Target, but you have worked all day and have a meeting in the evening. So what are your choices? Husband makes dinner and you make a deal with your daughter to take her to Target another night. (Yes, I did pinky swear to the Target thing.)

But it is also important to “fence out” new opportunities. Yes, you read that right. We live in a world of endless opportunities. You can go to school, start a new business, take a trip to a foreign country, or buy another house while they’re on sale this year. Okay, maybe not, but opportunities abound! The key is to pick a couple of thing and do them well. For me it’s being a good therapist and coach; being a good, supportive wife; and raising my daughter the best I can. But it’s also setting boundaries so I can take care of me also; exercise, pray and meditate, read a good book, and sing. And do a lot of it because in this crazy ever-changing fast- paced world we live in, you need to set boundaries around self-care.

It’s tough to set boundaries around friends and loved ones. And, obviously, I’m not talking about putting limits on the quality of our relationships. Love and friendship is what life is all about! But, you don’t have to answer the phone every time it rings and say yes to everything. It’s hard to be disciplined in balancing your life, family, relationships and work. You can get so caught up in your work, that you lose your family and friends. Or you can spend so much time with family, friends and community functions that your work suffers, both inside and outside the home.

We want to be nice. We value our relationships, and our friends and family are wonderful people. No wonder we want to put them first. But good boundaries will make you rich in every sense of the word. So don’t get lost on the other side of the fence. Keep your boundaries strong.