Saying no is uncomfortable! It like turning your back on a family member or your best friend. But saying yes too much has it’s consequences; being too busy and too stressed.People-pleasers are committed to bolstering the well-being of others at the expense of themselves. We all do it from time to time. But people-pleasers are so invested in outside approval that they set aside their own needs and wants.

Why would someone be so anxious to please others that they end up sabotaging themselves? Some people are unable to gauge their own value. We learn from an early age that if we do what others ask and expect, they will love us. And women are especially prone to be people-pleasers; it’s what is expected of us.

As we get older, these behaviors become ingrained and self- reinforcing. People-pleasers get rewarded from bosses, co-workers, family and friends. So we say yes to more things for the kudos we get.

But people-pleasers pay a high price for the praise they receive. They loose sight of what want and need from life. They feel as if they have lost control of their own life, which leads them to lash out at others.

So how does a people-pleaser end the cycle? Unfortunately the cure is not abstinence – neglecting the needs of others entirely means crossing the border into narcissism. The key is a well- thought out policy of temperance. Retain positive traits like friendliness and sensitivity, but clarify your own needs and assert them more. Take a close look at what situations trigger your pleasing behavior. People- pleasing behavior comes from fear, from assuming that others are in control of you. Healthy behavior comes from genuinely wanting to be connected to people. Ask yourself “why”. Then decide if you are trying to please others or if you really want to do this. By saying “no” more often and “yes” to the really important things, you will be happier, healthier and more in control.